Monday, January 16, 2017

Coffee of the Damned

This is a true story. If you are squeamish, just read this part: If you live in Florida, always make a cup of hot water with your coffee maker before you make a cup of coffee. Coffee can hide things.

So, have you ever had a day that goes from Disney to Stephen King in 30 seconds flat? I'm sitting on the porch with NummyMuffinCoocolButter, and I say to myself, "Self, a big old cuppa coffee is the only that could make this moment better." So I go inside and start to make some coffee. Just as I am pouring the water into the coffee maker, I see an ant, but it's too late, I was already pouring. No problem I say,  I'll just run a cup of plain water through to wash the ant out.

So I run a cup of hot water through... and out of the coffee maker into my mug comes not only the ant, but the dead ant, about 30 of his closest friends, and a small roach. I screamed. I ran a second cup of water through to make sure they were all gone. Another 30 dead ants in the second cup. I said, ok, this needs serious cleaning. I ran a cup of vinegar through. Another 30 dead ants. Another cup of water. Another 30 dead ants. I did this about 6 more times, when I finally just unplugged the coffee maker, carried it over to the sink, and completely filled the resevoir, thinking this would wash out whatever was left in there.

I was wrong. I ran another cup of water, and this time there was only about 10 dead ants. I literally ran about 10 more cups of water through, and each time there were still dead ants coming out. So, I took it back to the sink, and tried rinsing out the resevoir again. I dried it as much as I could and took off the bottom. Another dead roach, roach droppings, and more dead ants. I washed what I could, dried it all out, and tried running another cup. There was only 1 or 2 dead ants this time. But I was not feeling secure at all. I waited about 10 minutes, went and did some chores, and ran another cup of water through. Another 10 dead ants.

At this time I said forget this, I am never using a coffee maker* again. I went on line to get instructions how to make coffee without a coffee maker, went down to Publix and got a strainer and some filters. I got home, only to find that the power was out, so I couldn't even boil the water. So now, I'm just despondent. I sat on the porch eating cold crab stuffed mushrooms until the power came back on. Then I found my old-fashioned tea kettle and made me some coffee. It took a tad longer than the coffee maker, but at least I was confident there were no ants in it, and it actually tastes really good.

Disclaimer: I specifically am not mentioning the brand of coffee maker here because I realized that this can happen with any coffee maker - there are parts you can't see and hence can't really clean on any brand.

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